Sunday, June 18, 2006

Fanaa

Sunday, June 18, 2006
Fanaa is another film coming from the yashraj factory. The movie is directed by Kunal Kohli. It has Aamir Khan and Kajol playing the lead.
Its evident that since the day Lagaan was announced as a mega success, the expectations from Mr Khan had increased a hundred-fold. Did he live up to it? He came up with "Mangala-Mangala-Mangala-Ho" Then came RDB, the hugely succesful rebel movie, but many felt he was a miscast in the movie, though I personally enjoyed his role. So the stage was set, withing a short while, we saw the banners of Fanaa being put across cities. Its soundtracks started playing on all channels. People went ga-ga over how beautiful Kajol looked in the movie, and about Aamir's new hair-style(ahem ahem).
I was curious about the movie. Finally I found out for myself when I was invited by a pal of mine to watch the movie with him.
Fanaa-Imdb describes it as a movie in the thriller genre. Only the enlightened ones can truly find that amusing. It is.
The movie is about the rickety and screwd up love life of Zuni (Kajol) a blind confused chick and a hard core terrorist mastermind Rehan aka Bullshit(Aamir Khan).
Let me tell you one thing, when ever you hear some one say a movie is different, most of the times it means that the movie is crap. Since we're discussing mainstream cinema, different movies generally mean the same old crap repackaged with a whole lot of dhin-chak dhin-chak that bollywood is known for. Now the same be said about say a Shyam Benegal or a Nagesh Kukonoor movie.
Anyways, the first half of the movie is about the blind kajol, how she falls in love with a guide(Aamir in disguise) for no apparent reason. It is filled with a billion Shayaris(poetry). Aamir shows Kajol the entire Delhi. Here you come across some really really annoying characters who in the process of sounding funny, just sort of piss you off.
Aamir as the guide is supposed to be the pimp and casanova of old delhi apparently, and he believes in Lust and not love(wow thats something new, yawn). Kajol believes that aamir is a sweet heart. Well she's blind, so she doesnt have to worry about his looks, so the heart will do just fine.
So a hard-core romance sparks between them, and so we have some songs here and there, but thankfull it doesnt show the cast running around switzerland when they were in chandni chowk a second ago.
Kajol has like the most lenient parents in the whole world. She tells them about Aamir and they blindly accept him, they don't even bother to ask them who the guy is or how he earns his living. I guess that gives us an insight into Zuni's past lovelife and its success.
Right..so Aamir humps her like a thanks-giving turkey and she doesnt mind it either, and after that she says to him that, he doesnt need to see her again if he doesnt want to, but she gives him her telephone number anyways (She has to return to her home which is somewhere else, far away).
Now this would've been great. Its like no strings attached sex. He gets to nail her and doesnt need to care about her feelings, but apna pimp has a heart. He gets into the train, and carries her back, only to leave her after a month, while she is having her eye operation. It was as though he was playing a crual joke on her. I guess pimps have a different way of thinking.
Aamir fakes his own death, so that Kajol gets all heart-broken and doesnt really enjoy the fact that she can see again. Guess what he really wanted was to totally destroy her self esteem and give her that "I am a loser" feeling.
This is the part where we find out about Aamir Khan being a blood thirsty Jehadi. They make him look like Neo.

Post intermission session showed us what a back-stabbing SOB Aamir was to the INA. There was a cameo by Shiney Ahuja in the movie, unfortunately he dies. And one can literally hear the girls go "Awwwwww" when that happens.
At this juncture, Tabu(Ms Tyagi) is introduced, she's like some messed up lady who had a really really bad facial, because she looked much older than what she really is. She looked like the female counterpart of Droopy the dog. She is shown as the only "enlightened" one in the indian intelligence and the rest of them are protrayed as, "bozos".
She is the only one who discovers the not-so-obvious fact that Aamir is a criminal mastermind.
So now she sends troops to bust his ass, but as is the case, you cant have him being killed. The movie would actually make sense then, but that cant happen. How could it. We have to make it unrealistic. Now how do we do that? We make Aamir kill 10 INA guys and then blow up a helicopter and escape the entire seige with only a bullet.
The movie crew tireis to fool us by showing Poland and calling it Kashmir. It looks a lot like the scenes from Black. Now out of thousands of houses a wounded Aamir could end up in, he lands at the door step of Zuni. She , who had never seen hi obviously doesnt recognise him, and so doesnt her father and Rehan Jr(who believes he was born due to the mating of Rahul Dravid and her mommie).
A point to note here is that, a blind girl has to identify people by their voice and probably touch. Now if she can't recognise the voice of her lover, I guess the passion they shared was nothing more than a Booty call. And please dont feed me crap like , The snow did it to him, or People change with times. That shit dont work, even in bollywood, and that's saying a lot!
So now Aamir, who is angry at first, mellows down and starts becoming part of family for these people, till one day while playing some antakshari(singing over and over again for no apparent reason) and some naughty activities, lets Kajol know that he indeed is who he is.
Kajol is shocked and delighted. They get married, and later sing a really really fucked up song. I dont know its name, and seriously I dont really care. All i know is that the song was made up of 5 tongue twisters and had nothing more to it. Total bummer.
So now Tabu is professionally and perhaps sexually aroused with her new lead, and decides to use the media by having them reporting that some terrorist has some device(which infact looks like a a deoderant) which is a bomb trigger and he's dressed up as a jawan.
So now Kajol's father is suspicious but doesnt make a move, he takes Aamir in acar and then plans to kill him instead, but Aamir is a terrorist who is experienced, and hence kills his father in law. Father in law falls from a cliff and falls down and a thin sheet of ice is formed over his body. Co-incidentally Kajol walks from the same spot and gasps. She doesnt lose courage. She runs away from Aamir, but Amir catches up and tell her that the bomb threat of his people is a HOAX just to get a free-Kashmir. Kajolisnt affected by bull shit now. She been through enough already. So forces her husband to cut the crap and get real, which he does'nt. He takes the deo and marches out. Kajol gets a sudden message from god that she has to do the right thing or suffer in hell for a thousand years. She takes a gun, says I love you to Aamir and conveniently shoots him. Aamir finally shows some mercy to the once-blind innocent girl he had loved, by not pushing her brains out by shooting back.
So the the pan back fires and feminist people shut their trap because they got what they wanted.
This is the sad story of Fanaa.

The only person who acted well was Rehan Junior. The sound track has few good numbers, though I agree most of it is crap. This is one movie even the general public hates. So why should you be an exception?

7 comments:

3ngin33r

HAHAHA you put it so crudely! coincidentally i saw it a few days bck and it sorta got hard to breath during the first half of the movie... then (thankfully) the movie caught up some tempo.

rishabh_flop_ruler

thats strange coz ppl here in india felt like crappng at the 2nd half.they preferred the first half. hope ya enjoyed the review

3ngin33r

its hilarious lol trust me, i wish reviews were written like this.

Trinity
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous

well..that was entertaining, well written,and heavily biased..but its ok cos it u..jus watch out with your grammar basics at times=P

Anonymous

oh and that was me shouvik

Sanchari

good review.. a little crude but good. They tried to merge a 'bourne identity' type thriller with a love story. And basically ended up doing neither. The movie lacked feeling. Though I loved the background score.

 
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